The Futurist Observer
The Department of Energy’s Faggot-In-Chief for Nuclear Energy, Sam Brinton, has been charged with felony theft after allegedly stealing a woman’s luggage at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport in Minnesota. Sam Brinton, who identifies as “non-binary” and likes to cosplay as a character from the 1993 film Coneheads in his day-to-day life, is also one of the higher-ups in charge of dealing with spent fuel relating to nuclear energy for the Department of Energy.
If these allegations against Sam Brinton are proven to be true, why did Sam do it? Anonymous sources have told The Futurist Observer that this could have been a panty raid as part of a transvestite satanic ritual, but maybe we should stop asking local schizophrenic homeless meth addicts who sleep by our PO Box to be anonymous sources. Only time will tell, however, what truly happened in the airport that fateful day.
We’ll stand by and keep an eye on this riveting case.
